The wind roared and whistled through the empty forest. The wind knocked the trees into silence.
A piercing scream shattered the lonliness of the forest.
Her breath caught up in words, words that couldn't build up the strength to come out.
Comment on these sentences and how could I make them better. I'm writing a small story and these are some of the sentences in the first paragraph and I wanted to know if I can make them better
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10 comments:
izzabela, you could say who her is. otherwise, it's great!
Well as I said it's only a few sentences I picked out so... yeah
Her name is Nikki.heres the full paragraph so far:
The wind roared and whistled through the empty forest. The wind knocked the trees into silence. The only sound was Nikki running. The moon shone light and projected it across the forest. The pacing footsteps of Nikki were fast and silent. Her breath caught up in words, words that couldn't build up the strength to come out. Nikki, running across the forest, out of breath and silent screams escaping her lips. The tiniest sounds made Nikki's heart race. The beating of her heart was fast, too fast. A piercing scream shattered the lonliness of the forest, escaping Nikki's lips as she grasped onto the tree branch.
"A piercing scream shattered the lonliness of the forest". I think you should describe who made the scream and why.
Thanks Jennifer and Xx$n@xX
Xx$n@xX whats your name??
my name'z iz shawn
im in class 603
kk what class?
603 =]
kk
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